IFS Therapy: How to Make Peace with Your “Inner Critic” and Stop Sabotaging Yourself

Have you ever felt like there are different people living inside you? For example, one part of you desperately wants to start that new project or go out and meet people, but another part whispers: “You are going to fail,” “Better stay at home,” “You are not good enough.”

That harsh, relentless voice is what we call the Inner Critic. We often try to silence it, fight it or ignore it, but it usually comes back even stronger.

At PsicoDiversa Málaga we work with IFS Therapy (Internal Family Systems), a different approach: instead of fighting those parts, it helps you understand them and get along with them better. Today we want to tell you why fighting yourself never works, and what we propose doing instead.

What is IFS Therapy?

Imagine your mind is not a single solid block, but a family or an orchestra made up of many different musicians. Each of those musicians is one of your “parts.”

• Some are vulnerable, childlike parts that carry wounds from the past (Exiles).
• Some try to control your life so that you do not suffer (Protectors).

The problem arises when these parts take over and push your true “Self” (your calm, wise core) out of the driver’s seat. The IFS model does not try to eliminate any part; it listens to them and brings harmony back to the orchestra.

The Inner Critic: a misunderstood protector

We often think the Inner Critic is an enemy trying to destroy us. It says horrible things to us: “You are ugly,” “You are a fraud,” “No one will love you.”

However, from an IFS perspective, there are no bad parts. Even the harshest critic has a positive intention: to protect you.

• Maybe it criticizes you so that you try harder and nobody rejects you.
• Maybe it paralyzes you to keep you from exposing yourself and getting hurt, the way you were in the past.

It is a soldier who believes the war is still going on. Laura Nhate helps it see that the war is over and that it can put its weapons down.

How we work with IFS in therapy

Unlike other therapies where you only talk about your problems, in IFS we talk with your parts. It is an experiential, in-depth therapy.

• Unblending: You learn to step back and observe that critical voice without believing that “you are” that voice. You are the one who notices it, not the one shouting.
• Curiosity and compassion: Instead of rejecting your anxiety or your critic, we ask them: “What are you afraid will happen if you stop criticizing me?” The answers are often deeply moving.
• Healing: When the protective parts begin to trust you, they allow access to the deeper wounds so that they can be worked with.

Benefits of this approach for dependency and anxiety

IFS is especially powerful for people who struggle with emotional dependency or addictions. Often, addiction is driven by a “firefighter” part trying to put out the fire of emotional pain quickly (with food, shopping or relationships). With IFS we do not fight addiction through force; we heal the pain that addiction is trying to cover up.

Begin your inner journey in Málaga

Making peace with yourself is one of the most radical acts of self-love there is. When your inner world stops being a battlefield, you recover the energy to live your life on the outside.

At PsicoDiversa we are one of the few centers in Málaga specialized in this approach. If you are tired of fighting your own mind, come and experience a different way of doing therapy.

Book your appointment with an IFS specialist.